End of Days

I remember the first trimester. Feeling quite hungover, extremely tired, and pretty emotional. I remember it fondly. Wait. What? Yeah, you heard right because compared to the third trimester, the first one is a friggin' picnic.

LOL

The past few weeks have sucked. I've been home, which I am ever so thankful for (I had to leave work early due to some gnarly contractions and the fact that I wasn't getting enough rest and could barely function with my increasing loss of sanity), and while that definitely helps, it still sucks. I never expected any of this to be easy - c'mon, I'm not delusional - but Holy Hell, I'm ready to have this kid and feel like a normal human being again. 

Last week I could have sworn that Sully was on his way. 3-4 hours of nonstop cramping and time-able contractions, and I was thrilled. Yeah, I'm at that point where I welcome the pain with open arms. Seriously. Bring. It. On. However, as soon as I was getting ready to call my doc at 3 AM, everything started subsiding and my hopes fizzled into the early morning that I've come to know so well.

The past few days have been interesting. Really bad cramping since Saturday, along with what I can only assume are contractions, in addition to being a complete insomniatic psycho. My legs have been giving out on me, my head is constantly aching, and nausea has been paying me a visit. I've been up and wide awake as early as 1:30 AM… completely restless and unable to sit still.

Last night was another time that I thought "this is it." My lower back was radiating pain all through my hips, legs, and eventually into my tummy. It was brutal. I could barely walk, but I wasn't having that tightening like I would with a contraction. At least not consistently. SO confusing. 

They always say "you'll just know" which annoys the living hell out of me because, really, that's so unhelpful. I don't want to be told that "I'll know," I want you to freakin' tell me what it feels like so I'm not driving myself crazy by worrying about every little twinge or pain, which are coming all too commonly these days. Then I get the "everyone's different" routine… You may feel a lot of pain. You may not. You should know when you're having contractions. Some women don't (a little confusing when you are previously told that "you'll just know"). This may be nothing. Or it could be something HUGE. Jeeeeeeezum. 

#thoroughlyannoyedwithallthiswishywashyinconsistentinformation

This morning, my back pain has leveled out to a dull ache, but I totally feel like I'm coming down with something. I don't want to move. Sitting here to type is proving to expel a lot of effort, but I really, really, really, really needed to vent. My pregnancy has been fairly easy compared to what a lot of women go through. I know I'm lucky. I'm lucky to have had no serious complications, and I'm lucky to be able to have a baby when so many have trouble. But this doesn't mean I'm not allowed to get frustrated. I'm not ungrateful. But still…. Being this constantly uncomfortable and worrying if "this is it" the past few weeks has been completely draining.

I'm super emotional. Grumpy. Moody. Overwhelmed. A lot of things do it to me these days. Just going to pee and not being able to get off the toilet without grabbing on to something makes me emotional. I guess I'm just ready to feel like myself. 

I was thinking last night of all the things I can't wait to be able to do again. A lot of them were things I took for granted when it was just me in this body. I can't wait to:

1). Be able to put my shoes on without feeling like I'm suffocating or just ran a marathon.

2). Sneeze, laugh, or cough without pissing myself.

3). To get off the couch or out of bed without having to give myself a pep talk first. "I think I can!"

4). Paint my toes.

5). Walk without looking like I'm trying to impersonate a penguin.

6). Fill up my pellet stove (40 lb bags are a "no no").

7). Run.

8). Pick things up off the floor.

9). Sleep on my stomach or my back.

10). Have a friggin' drink - I need one.

I love Sully to pieces, and when it gets really overwhelming, I think about his little smiling face that was up on the ultrasound screen last week. He totally smiled. I know it's all worth it. This is something I've known since this all began. I knew it wouldn't be all glowing butterflies and rainbow unicorns, but it can get to be a bit much, ya know?

I've heard "it's all worth it" a million times, but I really don't need reminding. I know people just want to make you feel better by trying to help you see the light at the end of the tunnel, but sometimes you just want to bitch about things for a few minutes, get it out of your system, take a deep breath, and move on. That's really all this post was about. I just needed to throw a little tantrum and now I feel much better - mentally, anyway. Thanks!

Cheers!

Updates and What Not

I'm a little over six months (or 27 weeks 5 days, if you want to get right down to it) and if things weren't beginning to change enough before, they sure are now. The third trimester is kicking in, and I can definitely feel it looming over me like this beautiful yet oppressive and tangible thing. Everyone has told me it's the hardest to get through, but despite that, I'm trying to go into it with an optimistic mind.

Fatigue has kicked in, but it's really nothing to compare to the first trimester when I was tired and felt "hungover" all the time (without having any of the fun usually associated). So this is a cinch, so far. My back kills me, my knees creak, and I'm having trouble sleeping, but overall I'm still in a pretty good mood. I just think about Sully and how all this is for him, and I get more excited than anything else.

Braxton Hicks contractions started kicking in around, oh, 23-24 weeks-ish? I wasn't sure what the hell was going on until my doc mentioned it at my 24 week appointment. I was told that women could start as early as their first trimester. Fun stuff. They don't hurt per say, but holy hell do they get your attention. They take your breathe away and make it difficult to focus on anything else, which is annoying when I'm at work, but what are you gunna do? It's my body's way of telling me that we're getting closer, and I can't complain about that.

I've become well acquainted with the concept of "snissing." You know.. you sneeze and then piss yourself. I wouldn't recommend it. I thought it was bad when my second trimester rolled around, but now that I'm getting into my third, I've found that being super aware of my bladder is a good idea, even when I don't have to sneeze. Especially when Sully decides to drop kick it like a soccer ball, nearly knocking me out of my chair... 

On to the fun! We started to get the nursery ready, but the backboard of the crib was cracked. No worries. The company is sending us a new piece asap, and it's going to be beautiful! Sully's room is going to be pretty low key. Not going to be a ton of frills or bright colors. He's a boy. I'm his momma. Frills are not our thing. Blues, grays, and whites. Arrows and outdoors and mischief and imagination. No real theme, just something cozy that he can grow in to. 

I've been spending a lot of time wondering what Sully is going to be like when he makes his appearance. Taylor says he'll be all Mahaffey, but I think he underestimates the power of the Wimbish gene. ;). Will he have light or dark colored hair? My little brother had a full head of dark brown hair, so who knows? Will he like sports or will he be more of a fisherman? Maybe he'll be a writer. I'm determined that he'll be a reader. It's interesting to think about what he'll look like, what his passions will be, and ultimately, who he'll be.

We'll find out soon!!


Cheers!

Getting there!!

24 weeks. Holy moly. My third trimester is looming on the horizon, and I can definitely feel the weight of it bearing down on me. So much to dooooo! And it feels like... or actually we are... running out of time!

Little Sully has a huge container of stuff and his own corner in my living room. (I'm sure this won't change.) We are still working on getting his room cleaned out, so I haven't had a chance to organize everything yet. Baby clothes, toys, books, and a car seat. You shoulda seen me trying to figure out that last one. There are so many buttons and safety precautions, I actually did what you're supposed to do in these situations: I read the guidebook. Go figure. Reading the directions actually does make things easier.

Accumulating all the necessary essentials that are required to keep your baby safe and happy is really... crazy. If feeling Sully kicking didn't make it real enough, seeing all this baby stuff in my house is really taking the whole "reality is slapping you in the face" to the next level. Sully will be here in less than four months, and while that can sound like a long time, remember that we found out about him almost six months ago... YEAH. Really. Having those months go by as fast as they did makes me feel like four will be the blink of an eye.

So how am I feeling? That's a question I get a lot. For the most part, I'm feeling really tired. I've been having more off days than days when I feel like a normal human being, and I think that has a lot to do with my second trimester coming to an end and the fact that Sully is getting huge. Yesterday I spent a couple of hours cleaning the house and doing laundry, and by 11 AM, I was spent. I have a really bad habit of not listening to my body when it tells me to lay the frig down, but this time I had to. Laid down to do a bit of reading and ended up falling asleep for an hour.

Needless to say, this being tired all the time (again) is really putting me in a predicament. I feel like I can't do anything without paying for it somehow. Last weekend was pretty full. A friend's baby shower. Canoeing on the lake. 2 mile walk. More canoeing on the lake. Dinner with friends. Then work on Monday. By Tuesday and Wednesday, I felt like I was going to keel over and die while having a major hormone-induced bitch-fit. Turns out, I was just exhausted and needed to go home and get some R&R. Literally just sit on my ever-growing ass and do nothing.

It's frustrating, because I want to go walking every day. I want to go out and do things with friends. But at the same time, I need to relax as much as possible or else I'll end up sick and miserable. Seems like it's hard for others to understand, but it is what it is right now, and I don't like it anymore than they do.

What makes it all worth it is feeling Sully get stronger every day. He's begun to wake me up at night, and I find it really difficult to get frustrated with his insomniatic antics. It's something I better get used to, and I'm pleasantly surprised to find that it doesn't bother me being woken up by a squirmy little munchkin. We'll see if that changes when the kicking turns into screaming... ;)

Speaking of kicking, Taylor finally saw Sully move. He had his hand on my belly while Sully was uber active, but for some reason, he can't feel it to save his life. Over-think much? I actually saw the man's hand move when Sully kicked him, but nope, he didn't feel a thing. *Sigh* Good thing the kicks have gotten to the point where I can see them pushing on my belly. (There's that "alien" thought again....) So I had Taylor watch the belly instead. And BAM, the moment finally happened. There was no way Taylor could mistake those huge jumps in my belly for hunger pangs.

I have my next appointment on August 1st, and I'm excited to see how much Sully has grown in the last month. He's definitely strong, healthy, and growing fast. My belly feels enormous, so much so that I had to roll off the couch the other day to get up to pee (again), much to the amusement of my husband.

Do you see how walking two miles could be difficult with this added weight constantly throwing me off balance? I see all these "fit and pregnant" women on Pinterest or other blogs, and I have to fight the urge to say screw. you. I've always been one to workout and jog as part of my lifestyle, but my knees, ankles, and energy levels are finding it hard to keep up. It's gotten to the point where going up and down my stairs half a dozen times while cleaning is calling my exercise routine for the day good. Now if only I could turn my craving for chocolate ice cream into a craving for something like... Oh, who am I kidding?

There are a lot of things you have to just let go when you're pregnant. The house isn't going to be as clean as you like. You're not going to be as active as you want to be. The scale is inevitably going to go up. And you're clothes aren't going to fit anymore. It is what it is, and it's really taught me a lesson in just letting things be and not focusing on the things I can't do. I've been trying to put the energy I do have into things I can do. Or stepping back and remembering the things I am doing... Like creating a whole other life.

I think Taylor was worried about having to live with a pregnant wife due to the horror stories that every man seems to like to tell (as if they are victims and have the most difficult job in the whole deal), but I think I've handled it pretty well, and it helps to have such an understanding guy on my side. When I'm feeling extra irritable, I just tell him, "hey, I'm feeling really *itchy tonight," and instead of thinking it's something he's done or that I need to get over it, he always asks, "what can we do to make you feel better?" Or if I'm in one of those moods where I just want to cry, he gives me a hug and tells me to just let it out because I'll feel better for it. I don't make him a target of my hormones. I just give him a heads up that they are getting out of control and it's something he just seems to know how to help me with. We work together.

So instead of him thinking I've become possessed or me thinking he's an insensitive jerk (stereotypes, I know), we can focus on the fun stuff. Like belly kicks and car seat fiascos and putting the crib together.

Hopefully, soon I'll have some photos of the nursery!


Cheers!