Boy or Girl?

The big debate. What's it gonna be? We find out July 5th ~ a mere three weeks away ~ what path our lives are going to take, because ultimately, gender is a huge deal. Most people say it doesn't matter, and really, in regards to health and happiness, it doesn't. But I'm pretty sure having a boy is a lot different than having a girl and vice versa.

Personally, I think it's a boy. Don't hold me to it, but I just have a feeling. I've had dreams about it, which I take as a very serious sign (or it could very well just be my preggo brain playing tricks on me), and given Taylor's family history, it just seems likely that we'll have a boy. 

I'll be happy with either, but get Taylor talking about it, and the guy literally starts shaking with nervousness. I'm not exaggerating. He even took the entire day of July 5th off (even though my appointment is early in the morning). 

The idea of having a girl scares the living crap out of him. He'll see these preteens or teenagers walking around with shorts that have no right to be labeled shorts and plunging necklines, and every time since we found out we were pregnant, he shakes his head, takes a nervous breath and says, "I hope I don't have a daughter." It's because he knows he'll probably end up in jail trying to beat up any "scumbag" who looks even once at her. 

I always tell him that the baby isn't going to come out a hormonal teenager, but there's no calming him. I also tell him that if we do have a daughter, we can raise her to think independently and be confident. She won't need to dress like... well, if you know Taylor at all, you know how he finishes that sentence. 

My great friend Rachael is one of the few I know who believes that we are destined to have a girl. Her exact words are, "I think Taylor needs to raise a girl. He's so terrified of it that I think God is going to give you a daughter." This totally makes sense, and given the way things work for Taylor, there's a very good chance it's true. 

I don't believe in chance or coincidence, and I'm really on the fence about luck. There's been too many crazy things that have happened in my life for me to believe in anything other than fate. I've begun to trust in the signs that tell me what I need, even when it's scary, and in doing that, things always seem to fall into place, even if it's not exactly what I imagined for myself. As a result, even when I'm worried, there's always a little voice that says it'll all work out. And it always does. Perfectly.

Before, I would have been shocked to learn we were having a girl. But with all that's been said, the idea of surprise is waning because a daughter would make sense in the grand scheme of fate. Taylor would be facing what I've determined to be one of his biggest fears, and I would learn a great lesson in patience as I try to reign in the obsessive/controlling behavior as she gets older. 

Of course, I don't actually believe (too much, anyway) that Taylor will be the dad who cleans his gun on the front porch to scare away any unsuspecting boys. (Again, when he thinks daughter his mind immediately jumps to teenager.) I wouldn't exactly put it past him, but I know that if we did have a girl, he'd be a puddle of goo on the floor more often than not, and all the tough talk I hear now would more than likely flip its tone. 

I know it all comes from a good place, this worry and fear he has. I worry too sometimes about having a girl, because with everything you see in the news, how can you not? Having a girl instead of the boy we've always expected would change the perspective enormously, especially for Taylor. It's because he wants her to be safe, happy, and have a good head on her shoulders. But there's no doubt in my mind that with him as a father, if we had a girl, she'd be all those things. 

We'll see what happens. July 5th will be here before we know it, and I know either way, it's going to be a good day. 

Cheers!