Life is about to change. ?

Last night, Taylor surprised me by having everything together for a picnic by the time I got home. All I had to do was change out of my work clothes and he took care of the rest. He bought two chairs (ours got ruined over the winter), chips and dip, orange juice (for us who can't enjoy an adult beverage), and a nice big salad (because anything heavy lately just turns my stomach). He had it all thought out. And what's more? The day before, he had spent half his day off clearing a path to our favorite spot to the lake so we could drive our new car through the hordes of mosquitos so I wouldn't get eaten alive. (I can't use mosquito spray either.)

No, he doesn't have a brother. 

After we got set up right by the water and were enjoying the peace and quiet and the occasional jumping of a fish, we started talking about the things we'd want to do with our kid. Camping, for one. There's an island right in the middle of the lake, and with our canoe or the boat Taylor talks about getting all the time, we could easily make a weekend camping trip an adventure about five minutes from our home. 

We also talked about how we'd love to go camping way up in the remote north, away from practically everyone and everything. Taylor said he'd have loved to do that this summer, but with me being pregnant, being and hour or more away from any kind of help just didn't settle well with him. I told him that's one of things I would have liked to do before the reality of another little life came along, and what he said after that really kinda struck me in that obvious "duh" way.

He said that there's nothing he wants to do in his life that he can't do with a child by his side. 

The way people talk when you tell them you're expecting... they make it sound like your life is completely going to disappear and that everything you love to do now or would love to do in the future ~ basically everything that makes you who you are ~ goes up in smoke. I guess I started to believe that, and it was making me a little anxious and not a little scared of what to expect.

Honestly, though... people kind of suck when it comes to saying the right things. I don't know how many guys I've talked to about having kids who've said I'm going to turn into a maniacal B-you-know-what because all women (like their wives) get that way when they're pregnant, especially "when they're eight months and waddling around." Yeah. Thanks. I always want to tell them, "I'm surprised your obvious sensitivity didn't snap her out of it. Poor friggin' you for having to deal with a woman who barely has room for herself inside her own body."

I'm glad my guy has a lot more sense and understanding than that. And because he does, I do my best not to let my hormones get to me, or at least, not to affect him.

Anyway. I digress. Back to last night. We sat by the lake for about an hour and half, packed up our lovely new chairs, and drove the five minutes back to our house to watch an episode of Dexter. That's what we do. We have "movie/show" nights all the time. I grab my pillows and blankets, he grabs a beer, sometimes I make popcorn, and we make it a date. It's awesome, but still that little nagging thought came into my head.

This may be one of the last times we're able to do this. 

After the mind-blowing show (I love Dexter), we got to talking again, and I told him about these fears that were starting to bother me. Even with what he said before about being able to do anything in this life, even with a kid, everyone always tells me that my life will turn upside down and that all I have to look forward to are diaper explosions, spit-up, and constant crying. And, really stupid me, I was beginning to allow them to get to me. 

Taylor, in the way that he always does, made me believe otherwise. He basically said, in so many words, there's nothing we need to give up. We can have it all, if we make time for it, and just because our lives will be changing, that doesn't mean our lives are going to disappear. 

Just because people say one thing about their experiences doesn't mean that those will be what you have to expect. You can do things your way, and while the messy stuff will fit in there somewhere and things will most definitely change, it doesn't mean that you have to give up who you are. 

Sometimes my fear gets the best of me and makes me forget all the things that are possible. I remember my parents and how, instead of not doing things, just took us with them. I saw more concerts by the time I was five than some twenty-five year olds I know. Beach camping for more weekends than I can count is also something I vividly remember. My mom told me once that you have to raise a kid to fit your lifestyle and how you hope for them to live. That makes much more sense than what these other people I barely know tell me. I'm not listening to people anymore unless they know who I am.

The moral to the story? Kids become a part of your life. They don't take it away.

Cheers!