Changes

36 weeks today! At this point, if I went in to labor, Sully would be considered full term anyway, so there's nothing they would do to stop it. I made it! Now the waiting game begins. Honestly, Sully could come absolutely anytime he wants. No rush. But seriously. Anytime.

Sleep and I have been battling it out lately. My poor hips have been protesting the side-sleeping (which is all I can do), and let's just say they are pretty loud about it. Pains shooting down your leg have the tendency to keep you up at night. Not to mention, I just wake up for no reason at all... Today is the first day in a long time that I slept past five AM. It's glorious.

Our baby shower was last weekend. It was amazing. We had family up and friends coming in from Texas - it was incredible. Not to mention it was a baby shower for the history books. Ever been to a Wimbish/Mahaffey party? You're missing out. Plus, it was at our wonderful friends' house, and they certainly know how to have a good time. Everyone kept asking, "This is a baby shower?".. Yes, people.. It was a Wimbish/Mahaffey baby shower, and that's how we roll.

Sully's room still isn't organized. We had the epic baby shower last weekend, Sully got totally spoiled, and I've been meaning to get in there and get everything ready, but time and energy are not on my side. Sully's been acting up. I've been having what my doc says are regular contractions on top of Braxton Hicks on top of just feeling like utter crap. I've been trying to suck it up and just battle through my normal day with a smile on my face while trying to ignore these things, but it's not easy. Just yesterday, I had a craft fair I was participating in with a friend, and it was awesome to showcase all of our hard work. But by the time I got home at 2:30, I felt like I was going to die. Went to bed and stayed there for three hours. Got up only to move my ass to the couch. Totally over-did it, but the limitations I have right now are driving me nuts!

The doctor has me at home right now, "laying low." I'm not working (I may or may not go back, depending on what doc says), and I'm really just trying to rest as much as possible. My house is dirty and disorganized, which drives me bat sh*t crazy, but I'm trying to listen to what my body is telling me. Thank God for Netflix, crocheting, and my books. I'm even starting to write again, so maybe the inactivity is a blessing in disguise.

I just can't wait for the little bugger to get here! Not only because I'm ready to evict his royal cuteness and not be pregnant anymore, but I'm ready to finally meet him. People ask me if I'm nervous, and I can honestly say that I'm not. Not about the labor or about figuring out what the hell we are doing... I figure it'll come to us. It won't be easy, I'm under no delusions, but I don't think it's anything to freak out about. I'm focusing on all the fun we are going to have (it's not difficult to do), and that overshadows any doubts or fears.

My whole perspective on babies has changed. In the past, I'd see a picture of a baby, shrug my shoulders and go about the rest of my day. Not that I didn't appreciate that the parents were excited, I just couldn't share in that excitement. I've never been one to be totally in love with babies - it was kind of a take it or leave it. In fact, they kind of freaked me out. I even questioned myself on more than one occasion if I even wanted to have one of my own or just keep things the way they were. But now that it's here, I get excited seeing little ones. I've even started to notice what kind of strollers or carseats people use - God help me - it's a place I never thought I'd be in.


Cheers!

Becoming a Stay at Home Mom

Recently, we have made the choice that I will be staying home with Sully once he makes his debut. I went back and forth for a while, unsure if the decision was best or if we'd be put in a tight spot, but ultimately it boiled down to what was best for Sully. And if we're being honest, what was best for my sanity.

I just couldn't fathom sending my infant to daycare 40+ hours a week. I get anxious just thinking about it. For one, the idea of someone else taking care of my little guy just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It doesn't feel right, and I refuse to let that happen if I can help it. Second, I feel like there's not enough time as it is, and adding a baby on top of a full-time job and taking care of a home... How do you give all that the attention it deserves? I felt like things were about to get spread real thin.

Not only that, but the cost of daycare is ridiculous. I might bring home a little bit, but really? Most of my paychecks would be devoured...

I know a lot of women go back to work and careers and make the whole package happen. Kudos to you. No, seriously. I have a lot of respect for those women and have no judgements at all towards the amazing things they accomplish. The thing is, I used to care about starting a career, but in the past few months as I get closer to my due date, it's become less important than Sully. It's practically a non-issue. The idea of missing out on all those little first-times and moments that we'll never get back scares me way more than the thought that putting a career or job on hold will "screw me up" resume-wise in the long run. (Whatever that means...) Doesn't mean I think that's what other moms are doing by going back to work - this is just how I feel about my particular situation. Everyone has different circumstances, different strengths, and different desires for their life. As long as you can make a choice and be happy with it, I say that's all that matters.

I've read articles that say that women who stay at home feel isolated or like they've sacrificed their lives to raise children. Or these articles give you the guilt trip, that women have fought so hard to make an equal place for themselves in the world, and women who choose to stay home are throwing all that away. (Seriously, why are people so judgmental?) I don't believe any of that for a second.

I don't believe I'm sacrificing a thing. If anything, I'm being given a gift in having a choice and am blessed to be able to stay home to take care of my little one. A lot of people don't have that luxury, so I know how lucky I am to be faced with this decision.

I get a mix of understanding and funny looks when people discover that I'll be staying home. Like in this day and age, the idea of being a stay at home mom makes me... I dunno.. lazy or something. Sorry guys. I'm not superwoman, and I'm not going to pretend that I can or even want to juggle it all. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm an ambitious person. I don't sit around twiddling my thumbs - I'm always into something, doing something. I don't believe I'm throwing anything away. I'm being faced with the most important job of my life, but I also know that I will continue to be and do more.

I'll go back to work. Hell, maybe I'll start my own business (there's already one in the works). Maybe I'll finally finish my novel. Not that I'll have a ton of time on my hands to do these things, but my point is... Deciding to be a stay at home mom doesn't define me as such, especially when it comes to stereotypes. Just like a career doesn't define any other person. Staying home with my baby doesn't make me a less ambitious person - it just means I've made a choice - a choice that, lately, doesn't seem to reflect what's become the social norm.

Cheers :)